• Disclaimer: if you’re sensitive to a few choice words, or have an affinity for this district and their special ed team, you might not want to read the rest.  I am infuriated and this is the only outlet I have.  Consider yourself warned.

Today we had our meeting with the district.  It was for the “team” to decide the best placement for Emma.  For the record, they consider the IEP team all therapists, teachers, district rep, principal, psychologist, and parents (and in our situation, our wonderful advocate Kristina) all part of the team.  For the record, I consider the team us vs. them.  There are clearly sides to this story, as the “education team” (again, a term I use loosely) already knew what their decision was.  Basically it goes down like this:

We discuss various services provided by each school.  This, of course, is made up by the directory of the district.  Let’s call her M for now. (I’d like to call her other things, but I’ll refrain).  The director for the private school, who generously offered to be there at the meeting, had the opportunity to see this district vs. private school for the first time and had to “fill in the blanks when need be.”

The pro’s we have for the private school:

• small setting.  1:1 or 2:1 ratio of student to teacher.
• small setting in general: 15 students in the school.  total.
• less anxiety on Emma’s part due to a multitude of reasons: smaller setting, not trying to “live up” to the abilities of her peers, complete change of environment, the fact that she couldn’t stop talking about this private school for days after visiting, and still brings up the “new school”.
• the unending approach to creating success in Emma.  They don’t try 5 times or 10 times.  They try until

I flat out told M that I have lost complete trust in the special ed department of this district.  Last year was a complete loss.  Nothing was mentioned about a new placement until the very end of the school year.  There are multiple (and documented) cases of lack of supervision for Emma.  How am I supposed to trust them with the care and concern of my daughter now?  Oh, and especially when she’s even more medically fragile then she was.

The thing that really pissed us off was that this decision was primarily made by M.  Oh, and she had the “vote” of 6 other participants, none who have worked with Emma to any academic capacity.  The only attendant of the meeting was a student PT who was with Emma for one quarter.  But that was PT…like only her favorite “subject”.  Not one of them knew Emma.  And again, I flat out asked them…you’re taking a vote about Emma’s placement based on 7 people who haven’t hardly met her?  And that seems fair how?

So the next step?  We file for due process.  And hire an attorney.  Here’s the thing.  We don’t have this kind of money laying around.  At all. But we’ll make it work.   If they don’t think we’ll stick with our guns, they have another thing coming.  They could back down and agree to settle this once they see a letter from our attorney.  That would be best case scenario.  Actually, best case scenario would be for M to call us and want to settle.  But I think she’s too stubborn and pig-headed to do something that would be morally correct.  Heaven forbid she actually work toward the best interest of my daughter and not for the best interest of the district’s wallet.

Are Brett and I crazy in thinking how wrong and ludicrous it is that we have to fight this hard only to get what’s right for our daughter?  She’s fought enough in her short life.  She’s experienced more unfortunate circumstances (physically) than most people do in a lifetime.  When does she get a break?  When does she get to take the easy road?  To say we’re sick and tired of the bullshit is an understatement.  To say that we’re ready to throw in the towel is completely false.  Game on.  Bow down, bitches.

To say that we’ve returned back to “normal”, would be inaccurate.  Upon my return, I was hoping for only the jetlag to be an issue.  Emma’s behavior, however, has been the biggest issue this week.  I wasn’t sure if the medication stopped working.  I didn’t know if she was adjusting to me being back home (she has a hard time adjusting to people coming and going, least of all Mom).  I didn’t know if it was thoughts of her upcoming surgery.  Brett and I sat her down one night on the tail end of a huge temper tantrum and the truth came out.  Emma is scared about her surgery and hospital stay.  <heart breaking>  We talked with her and told her it was okay to be afraid, but that mom and dad would be with her the whole time.  She’d get a brand new room in the new tower.  I was able to get online and show her pictures.  And I told her that on Friday when we went down to the hospital for pro-op blood work, that we could go see the new room she’d be in and the playroom.  We knew she’d be on the 8th floor.

Friday came, and I took on the task of bringing her down for the routine blood draw.  She has been getting so good at these that the last few times she hasn’t even cried.  Because this time it was at the hospital, she had the worst tantrum getting it done.  It was reminiscent of the very first time she was in the hospital and she was 2 and scared.  It took 2 nurses to do the draw, a nurse, me, and child life holding her down.  And they had to do it twice because she still moved too much the first time.  The thing is, though, that the minute people leave her alone, she’s fine.  She leaves while waving good bye and saying thank you.  Amanda, from Child Life, walked us up to the 8th floor and we got to see a new room and the playroom that Emma would play in.  Emma was super-excited to see these two new places.  With Emma, it’s all about her knowing what will happen next.  Where she will go.  This is very typical behavior for kids with her condition, as for many other kids, especially ASD.  Now that she knew, we went down to the brand new cafeteria and got ice cream.  The problem was that she actually didn’t want to leave the hospital.  She thought she was going to be staying there.  That’s another issue we deal with…how far in advance do we deliver bad news?  She perseverates.

The rest of the weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions for her.  I’m just taking it with a grain of salt (easier said than done) and giving her lots of hugs and encouragement.  I also was able to print out a picture of the new hospital room.  As I type, she’s in bed taking a snooze with the picture right in front of her.  She’ll probably take that picture with her to the hospital, knowing my girl.  It’s just one way for her to have a sense of control in a situation where she really won’t have much.

To top it off, we finally have Emma’s placement meeting tomorrow afternoon.  Yes, tomorrow afternoon, the day before Emma’s big surgery.  Brett and I would much rather be spending time with the kids instead of having to prove why Emma belongs in a different setting.  And I will say as much.  I’m so frustrated with the whole situation that I have a few key points I will be making tomorrow.  While I’d like to go ape-shit on them, I will retain composure and be very firm in stating our case.  Thank GOD for our advocate, though.

I promise to keep you all posted tomorrow evening after the meeting!  And then I’ll post nightly (and maybe even from the hospital) during Emma’s stay.  We’d love any prayers and positive thoughts sent our way, especially for Emma.

I got home Sunday evening.  It was so good to be home and see the faces of my sweet children.  And my husband.  I missed them all!  Monday morning started early as I woke up around 4:30.  I knew this would happen.  It’s been awhile since I last traveled to Europe, but I didn’t forget about the jet lag that ensues!  Fortunately for me, I woke up feeling a little motivated to get some stuff done.  Consider that “stuff” laundry and unpacking shtuff.  Check!

I’ve downloaded some of my 500+ pictures.  They turned out great!  And when I combine those with the pictures of my mom, aunt, and cousin, we will have a well-rounded album of our trip!

On my agenda this week: grocery shopping (done), visit by the alarm guy Chris, 1 new tutoring client who wants a heavy dose of math (yay!), another tutoring client, coffee with my girls, and training.  That last one is gonna hurt.  Bad.

Monday we have our placement meeting for Emma.  That’s Monday, August 25th.  As in 2 weeks before school starts and one day before Emma’s surgery.  Um, stressful?  Yeah, a bit.  But we’re prepared to win, and so therefore we will.  Will not entertain any other thoughts.

Have I mentioned Emma’s surgery much?  I don’t think so, but I can remember (on account of the jet lag, of course).  Anyway, it’s her hip reconstruction on Tuesday morning first thing.  We’ll be in the hospital 2-3 nights.  The hardest part will be Emma in a wheelchair for 6-8 weeks.  Non-weight bearing.  Ugh.  At least we won’t be missing anything fun outside as it’s a billion degrees with a thousand percent humidity.  Slight exaggeration.

I hear my daughter being ornery with her brother so I’m wrapping this up.  I promise more pictures, but here’s one to tide you over!

Monet's Garden at Giverny

On Thursday I head to Paris!  I am super excited, with a sprinkling of nervousness thrown in.  I’ve never been away from my kids this long.  And I’ve never been in a different country then them.  But I’ve got everything packed up, with the exception of my toiletries.  I’m going to be “sneaky” and stuff my purse in one carryon, and bring another carryon.  And then a big ‘ol suitcase that will be underpacked, so I can bring back fun souvenirs!

I had to email the district director today because she never did get back to me about setting up a meeting for tomorrow.  Tomorrow.  Well, childcare is no longer an option, so waiting until my return is what will happen now.  And, as it looks, it will be August before we actually meet, due to their vacations and Emma’s surgery.  Ugh.  Nothing like not knowing where your child will go to school.  Super-frustrating.  But now I don’t have this stress to take with my on my trip.

Anyway, back to my trip.  Yay! I will try to post while I’m there.  I’m hoping I can post pictures too.  I have the “gadgets”.  I’m just hoping the Wi-fi works in our apartment.  Our plans on day one?  The market and the Eiffel Tower!

Bon Voyage!

I hope everyone had a good weekend and Father’s Day as well!  I think Brett got to do exactly what he wanted: a little of everything!  Relaxing, putzing in our yard, a trip to Home Depot AND Starbucks, and grilling.  I’m a little bummed because I got both he and my dad gifts for the grill from Sur La Table.  Both turned out to be broken.  I’ve never had this happen before, so I’m hoping it’s just a fluke.  But it’s not very fun to open up a broken gift!  And now I have to go back to the store to exchange.  The hardest part of that?  Just exchanging and not buying.  Seriously, that’s a dangerous store for us.  And I’m on the hunt for some cute straws.  I know, random.  But we were at a friend’s house last week and she had Mason jars for glasses.  Fun and inexpensive idea, and so cute with fun straws!

We’re on the countdown for Paris, too.  There are some things that need to get done before we head out.  First and foremost, get my a$$ in gear and lose a little extra padding.  I have some ideas.  And I just need to put them in motion.  One thing I’m doing with a friend is the Belly Fat Cure.  It’s sounds like a fad, I know.  But the philosophy rings true.  Limit the carbs you take in, and those carbs you do consume, make them whole grain and as unprocessed as possible.  Totally easier said than done for this carbo-holic!  But it’s definitely attainable.  And I need to get my blood pumping again.  My weekly training session is awesome, but it’s not enough (of course).  So, that’s what’s on the table.  Oh, and a haircut.  And a trip to H&M for leggings.  Need.  Perfect for an over-seas flight, don’t you think?  And lastly a trip to the Bose store.  A guy on my last flight let me try out his noise canceling headphones. Oh. My. Love. These will be perfect on the long flight so hopefully I look like this:

Lastest on the school situation.  It’s been kind of nice to not stress about meetings.  Tuesday the director of the district will visit the private school that we hope to place Emma in.  So I’m curious how that meeting goes.  We already know the director of the private school will do what she can to help Emma’s case.  Yay.  Positive thoughts, please, for Tuesday.  If you would.

Tomorrow I’ll give an update on Emma’s new medication.  The jury is still out.

I’ve almost caught up to the present!  Last Friday we had another meeting.  This was to rewrite Emma’s goals.  Because, per my advocate’s words, the old ones were “crap”.  Nicely said.  Brett and I let her do her thing and she came up with very specific goals for Emma.  And a lot more than the few that Emma had.  When she wrote these goals for Emma, she reviewed the Arizona Early Learning Standards.  And she made it very clear that these goals needed to be reached using ABA principles, with staff trained in ABA and PBIS using multi sensory teaching strategies.  What, you don’t know all of these acronyms?  It’s okay…neither do I.  I’m learning, slowly but surely.

Because my advocate rocks, all of Emma’s new goals were accepted, with some tweaking of wordage here and there.  And after about 1 ½ hours of running around the subject, we finally started talking about placement.  Where will Emma be next year?  As you can imagine, the district and my family have very different ideas of what is best for Emma.  It’s the district’s job to tell us why their own self-contained program will work just fine for Emma.  It’s our job to tell them why it won’t be good enough.  They’ve screwed up FAPE for her (Free And Public Education) and we’ve lost our faith in them.  Obviously more was said.  Kristina went over lots of data to tell them why their program wouldn’t work, and why this (predetermined, by Kristina and Brett and myself) private school would be the best placement.  Of course district doesn’t want to hear that.

Here’s where we stand:  We’re waiting to get another meeting to (hopefully) conclude this.  We have provided our Parent Input (again, something Kristina wrote up beautifully).  And, by the way, Kristina was able to subtly slide into this Parent Input the “unwarranted and false evaluation by the principal” that I received.  I told you, she’s good.  I think the district would be stupid to fight with us on this.  Especially with that little bombshell.  However, they could.  We will meet.  District will bring in two employees who have visited the private school we’ve chosen.  We will bring in the director of the private school we’ve chosen.  And we will hash this out, hopefully without going to mediation or due process.  But if they push us there, then we’ll fight with everything we have.

And….the biggest and best news…Emma is at this new school as I type as a shadow student for a day.  This is to make sure that this school is the best fit for Emma.  Can I just tell you how excited Emma was today to try a new school?  She immediately made a new friend and practically ran to the gymnasium without giving me a hug or kiss.  She couldn’t wait to start her day at this new school!!  This goes to show that Emma has a passion to learn.  She loves school.  She just needs to be in the right placement.

Cabrillo National Monument at Point Loma

I realize I haven’t shared with you how the latest IEP meeting went.  In a word: AWESOME!  See, here’s how it goes for me.  For about a week before the meeting, I am a stress all.  It’s not a pretty picture, and it’s not good for me and my family.  This time was no different, and perhaps a bit worse.  With the last IEP meeting I was caught off-guard.  I didn’t know she wasn’t progressing.  I honestly didn’t.  Which is kind of weird because I’m usually in tune with how things are going.  So I was frustrated that I was caught off guard.  Emma’s school situation consumed my thoughts from that meeting on September 23rd until this last one on October 15th.  I was racking my brain to figure out how to fix it and make her situation better.  I wanted her to thrive and I didn’t know if she could get the environment she needed.  After mulling this over (mmm…mulled cider, anyone?), I came to a conclusion in my head.  I wanted her to stay put.  She knew everyone around her and she worked well with them (I even snuck around and checked up on some of them).  She knew the school really well.  And I wanted to disrupt her schedule as little as possible.  So I was going to ask for more of a “self-contained” environment.  Technically they don’t have one at this school, which is a shame.  But that’s another story.  But I wanted to see if we could create one for her by keeping her in the resource room (with the special ed teacher) for the morning, and part of the afternoon.  She’d get pulled for her therapies from that room, and she’d always know where she should be and where she’d be going.  To make a long story short, they AGREED!  This was going to be Emma’s new setting!

Here’s how it works.  Basically, she’s in resource all morning and gets pulled for therapies from there.  She heads to lunch and specials with her class.  Then she returns to resource for a bit.  She’ll spend the last part of the day in the classroom with her classmates and learn science, social studies, and also will go to library.

This past week was the first week we had the new schedule. Well, it was filled with rain and half-days, so we couldn’t really conclude anything. The next few weeks will be telling. I have a good feeling about this new schedule though. Oh, and we see the psychiatrist in a few weeks to talk about her medication…if it’s the right one, etc.

The feeling I had following that meeting was great. I felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I just pray, now, that Emma is able to start making some progress in school. However, in this household we celebrate all progress, small and large!

I should’ve known.  Of course this would happen.  Emma was doing so well…and then CRASH!  It all came tumbling down.  Not listening in class.  Unable to focus.  BULLYING!!  What?  My sweet girl?  I am always afraid she’ll be the target of bullying.  Not the perpetrator.

At this point I’m really not sure what it is.  But I have written an email to her team.  And the special ed teacher wants to meet in person to discuss her behavior. <punch in gut>

So, at this point we’re waiting to meet.  And I am halfway through the book 123 Magic, by Thomas W. Phelan, PhD.  I actually heard him speak at the MAGIC Convention in ’09.  And I bought 2 books.  And then they sat on my shelf.  No more, though.  A fresh highlighter and motivation to change behaviors in hand, I’m reading through that baby.

I’ll tell you how it goes.  For now, though, I’m feeling deflated.