On Friday, this was my personal FB status update:

We had Emma’s parent/teacher conference today. To see and hear all that she is learning made us SO happy! It’s so nice to get confirmation that you’re doing the best thing for your child! And it shows with Emma. She’s such a happy little girl again. We are so blessed!

It got 32 likes and 7 comments. (read: we are loved!)  Here are some more important numbers from that Parent Teacher Conference:

• Emma knows 22 letters (names and sounds).  At the end of first grade in May, she knew 6 letters (names and sounds).
• She knows all of the lowercase letters except for “j”.  She didn’t practice lower-case letters last year (mostly due to our insistence that she not).
• Emma can count to 29 (missing 16 and 23).  At the end of first grade she could count to 16 on a good day.
• She can remain on task for 30 MINUTES.  It is in her IEP that she can only maintain concentration for 3-5 SECONDS. (that fact, right there, almost brings tears to my eyes)
• She is on the “chip system” at school.  She earns chips for performing positive behavior.  When the jar is full she gets to pick out a treat.  She didn’t have a system like that at her old school.
• She has 2 best friends in class.  She doesn’t get jealous of them.  She doesn’t act rude toward them or lash out when they perform a task better than her.  She hugs them daily and has wonderful relationships with them.  Last year she had 3 best friends but would occasionally act out when she saw them progressing in school.

We couldn’t be happier or more ecstatic about Emma’s progress.  She is proving to EVERYONE that she has the ability and the capability to learn and to love to learn again.  And to the director of special education at the district, I ask, “what do you have to say now?”

But actually, yesterday got away from me.  That’s why I didn’t post.  I completely forgot about this ol’ blog.  Also, I don’t want to jinx myself.  Brett and I hesitate to speak any words about it, for fear we’ll scare the changes away.  I’m talking about Emma.  And her new med.  It seems to be working!!!  She is calmer.  She’s not (as) defiant.  Her aggression has severely decreased.  She’s chatty, social, and more independent.  She hasn’t been an insomniac since starting the med.  In fact, quite opposite, both days this weekend she slept in until 10:30.  The doctor did warn us that she would be more tired.  I think it’s the body metabolizing a new medication.  It happens frequently with her because she is on so many meds.  Oh, and her appetite has shot up.  I was warned of this too.  I have made sure to keep healthy food options available.  With this increased independence comes the need to “get things herself”.  Those things need to be healthy!!  Not that I stock up on junk food here (lest I be the one eating it!).  I think we’re past the exhaustion stage for now.  She was up at 5:30 this morning.  But she read quietly downstairs until about 6:00, which is a first. Usually she’s bouncing all around.  And breakfast consisted of cheesy eggs (2 scrambled eggs with cheese melted inside) and peanut butter on a bagel thin.  She’s going to start eating me out of house and home!

So, with this exciting new development, we carefully move forward with life.  We’re cautiously optimistic.  This weekend we’ll attempt more social activities to see how she handles them.  I am also awaiting an email from the district director of SpEd to set up a meeting.  Hopefully for next week, or at least before I leave for Paris.  I will keep you posted!

p.s. her seizures have also dramatically decreased!!

checking out the view

If you read my posts from yesterday and Friday, you know that we went to the Grand Canyon this past weekend.  We had a great time.  I won’t lie, there were some bumps in the road.  Those bumps were called zoloft and concerta, 2 new medications Emma was starting.  The big debate between Brett and I (actually not a debate, more like a discussion or a decision) was whether to start it before or after our trip.  We didn’t know how our trip to the Grand Canyon would go.  And we also had reservations at El Tovar to end the day.  It was going to be a long day, and the kids would be with us, of course.

We decided to try the medication on Friday.  We decided that it couldn’t hurt.  There was already a good chance her day would be off since there was no school on Thursday.  For the majority of Friday, she was dazed and a bit lethargic.  I learned that is called the seratonin effect.  She was so out of it that she spent the majority of the day in my classroom and then I took her home when I got off of work (talk about the benefit of working at their school!).

Fast forward to Saturday.  She was having mood swings.  Lots of them.  They made me very nervous.  The fear of taking an uncontrollable child to the Grand Canyon (aka the biggest hole in the earth) was very present.  She was to hold an adult’s hand at all times.  I didn’t want her close to the edge at all.  To sum it up, we made 4 stops on this tour that my brother took us on.  Her behavior was erratic during 2 of the 4 stops.  On the way to the last one, we had to bribe her to get some protein in her…cheese and ham slices.  It worked, spiked her blood sugar up, and she was golden.  We were able to watch the sunset in peace and quiet (oh yeah, except for the 4 year old who was whining).  Dinner at El Tovar went great.  No issues with her behavior, no issues with her eating.  She ate like a champ and sat quietly while the rest of us finished.  Not bad for a kid who’s used to eating dinner by 6:00 every night.

Okay, so here’s the big question: How do you enjoy the moment when your thoughts, concerns, anxieties are with your child?  Is it possible to focus on your children while you enjoy the day and the moment?  I don’t feel like I was fully able to savor the sunset at the Grand Canyon because I was a little nervous that my kids might run over the edge.  Just a little.   Have you ever been in a situation like this?  Perhaps you had your kids at a wedding.  Or on a special trip.  The circumstances are numerous.

How would you, or how did you handle it?

I should’ve known.  Of course this would happen.  Emma was doing so well…and then CRASH!  It all came tumbling down.  Not listening in class.  Unable to focus.  BULLYING!!  What?  My sweet girl?  I am always afraid she’ll be the target of bullying.  Not the perpetrator.

At this point I’m really not sure what it is.  But I have written an email to her team.  And the special ed teacher wants to meet in person to discuss her behavior. <punch in gut>

So, at this point we’re waiting to meet.  And I am halfway through the book 123 Magic, by Thomas W. Phelan, PhD.  I actually heard him speak at the MAGIC Convention in ’09.  And I bought 2 books.  And then they sat on my shelf.  No more, though.  A fresh highlighter and motivation to change behaviors in hand, I’m reading through that baby.

I’ll tell you how it goes.  For now, though, I’m feeling deflated.

Okay, I’m certain we’re past the roughest part and on our way up.  Emma had a wonderful week last week.  Every day was a good day.  Do you know how nice that is to hear?  And at home she’s been improving as well.  The temper tantrums are fewer and less extreme.  She’s recently been able to calm herself down by saying, “Look, Mom, I’m taking a deep breath” followed by said deep breath.  It’s nice to see she’s finding and using her own coping mechanisms.  Of course these deep breaths come after I threaten to cancel whatever (fun) plans we have if she doesn’t ix-nay the aforementioned tantrum.  It’s a cycle. But she’s learning.  The “earning of rewards” is helping.  She’s recognizing actions and consequences. Phew.  I can only hope this continues and that her first grade is a wonderful year.  She’s surrounded by people who truly care about her, and I couldn’t ask for anything more in the world.

How is your child coping with the beginning of the year?

So school isn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped for Emma.  I was hoping for (and somewhat expecting) a smooth transition into first grade.  After all (and much to my surprise), Emma had such an easy time going into full-day Kindergarten after being in a preschool program that was 2 1/2 hours a day, 4 days a week.

I can’t say I blame her.  She has an extremely full schedule at school.  Her therapists include special ed teacher, OT, PT, and vision.  She is pulled out from her regular classroom into the special ed room for 1 hour in the morning and 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon.  She sees OT and PT for 45 minutes a week.  That doesn’t sound like a lot, but it all adds up.  And her vision teacher sees her most days of the week, I think.  On top of that, she has her regular classroom, her specials (art, music, PE, computers) and now Spanish 2 times a week.  And when I think what we could cut back on, really I don’t know what would be of least importance.  They’re all important to me.  Of course some more than others.  But as a whole they do make up her experience at school.  And they’re all necessary.

The last time she had a really rough time adjusting to her new routine was when she went from morning preschool to afternoon preschool.  That baffled me because the only thing that changed was the time of day that she was there.  Her classroom was the same, her teachers and therapists were the same, her friends were the same.  But for whatever reason, she had a really hard time with her new school day.  When that happened, it took her 3 weeks to get used to everything.

And what is happening now?  Massive temper tantrums at home.  Talking back, yelling, and using language we don’t approve of (nothing major, but things like ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb’ and the like).  She’s being defiant and rude.  At school she’s challenging the teachers and her aides.  She’s not always following directions, sometimes talking out of turn, and she’s being difficult.  This all might not sound like a big deal, but it’s just not her.  And when the temper tantrums are seemingly non-stop, it’s grating.  It’s hard to listen to.  For me, it’s like nails down the chalkboard.

So what are we doing?  We are trying to keep a very consistent routine at home for after school and night time.  And we are putting into place a rewards system.  If she behaves well in the morning (i.e. no temper tantrums, and obeying) then she’ll earn a reward.  For example, 3 days a week school will sell ice cream or jamba juice.  And she can earn those treats by obeying us and not throwing fits.  Beyond that, I’m not sure how else to handle it.  I’m hoping this is a phase and that she’ll quickly pass through this as well.  And as we enter the third week of her new routine (4th week of school), I’m hoping this week is the week that ends it.

The “good” news is that I have heard from friends that Emma’s not the only one who is having a hard time adjusting to first grade.  Other first graders are too.  It makes me feel less alone.  And at this point, I’ll take any suggestions or advice!!

I want my sweet girl back!

What would you do?

(Pre-post post-edit: I’m easily distractible in this post.  I’m not sure why.  Sorry.)

Today Emma and I went to see Ballet Arizona’s Nutcracker performance.  It makes me miss my ballet days…just a little!  Namely, I wish I could have a ballerina’s body and dance in pretty tutus.  Anyway.   So it was a wonderful performance today…6th row (thanks, Libby!) and pretty close to center stage!  The music was great and this ballet held Emma’s attention for the FULL 2 hours.  Seriously.

Now, anyone who has a child with any behavioral/medical issues (or a “typical” child who’s 5 and under, really), might be a bit nervous to take them to such a performance.  Or they might be a bit nervous to take them out in any public situation.  Let’s just be honest!  And I was the same way for the longest time.  If there was any chance of a meltdown and then eyes on us during/after the ordeal, I pretty much avoided it.  Who would subject themselves to that kind of experience?  Not me!

I’m trying to think of when I started venturing out.  I think maybe it was just this summer.  Mason had just turned 3 and Emma was 5 1/2 (you know the 1/2 can make it or break it, right?).  I attempted some movies in the theater.  I went to the first showing of the day, and got there SUPER early to scope out our seats.  The kids had their own popcorn and drink, and if need be we could bolt and run.  The first time or two Emma got pretty antsy.  And there was at least one movie that was scary (Astro Boy….won’t see that again).  Mason got antsy too…only in a 3-year-old-boy kind of antsy.  But we kept going.  And we never had to leave a theater early (thank God!).  We stuck it out.  I think they’ve probably been to the theater about 5 times since the start of the summer!  In fact, on Wednesday I will take them to see The Frog And The Princess (or is it The Princess And The Frog? you know what I mean).

Okay so my point is that it’s a trial and error thing.  You have to get them out there to experience these things.  And you need to let them know up front what your expectations are of them.  I’m not saying it will work the first time.  I’m saying practice makes perfect (or somewhere close to that).  It’s like traveling.  I have friends who are nervous about taking their kids on trips.  Well, just do it!  They need to experience that stuff! Our kids are awesome on 7 hour car trips, or 4 hour flights back east.  They’ve got it!

Again, back to the beginning.  The Nutcracker was awesome!  I highly recommend it!  The costumes were beautiful, as was the stage and backdrops.

We’ll be going back next year.

Do you have a scary out-in-public story?

What did YOU do this weekend?

Clara in the Nutcracker