I had to figure that one out today…character of affairs.  I actually asked my aunt, an attorney, because I had no clue.  Why was I needing to know my own character of affairs?  Because today I started the process of applying to create a non-profit organization.  If I want Jumping Waves Scholarships to be legit, then this is the next logical step and I’m taking the plunge!  On Monday I will head downtown to hand in my application in person and pay the fees (because it’s the one thing ever you can’t do online).

I’m excited!  And nervous!  But you know what, I’ve got a fire in my belly and I know that I am tapping into territory that’s pretty much untapped.  I talked to my advocate today, because-as I’ve said before- I want to work with her to gift scholarships to families who need the support of educational advocates but can’t afford them.  Kristina seemed pretty excited about this and was happy that I wanted to work together to find such families.  What’s even more exciting is that I think I found the first recipient of a scholarship!  It’s exciting to know that I have raised enough money to be able to give the gift of an advocate.  The feeling I have just thinking about giving out scholarships makes me giddy!

But I’m nervous too.  How do I get the word out?  I really want to gain exposure for Jumping Waves.  I don’t want any recognition personally, I want this exposure to raise money to give more money out to help more families.  Period.  And I don’t think there’s a lot of people out there giving scholarships for advocates.  I’m very blessed, again, because I have people in my corner who know a thing or two about doing this stuff.  And I plan to pick their brain over coffee/lunch/pedis!  It’s going to require some serious effort, perhaps going out of my comfort zone, to ask for help.  To get the word out.

California trip in November

This little darling is my inspiration.  She’s been down a tough road and has had to endure more than she ever should at the age of 7.  And there are children who are just like her who have needs that go beyond what they’re offered.

So what is my character of affairs?  It’s as follows:

The purpose of Jumping Waves, Inc. is to give charitable donations for educational purposes for families with children with special educational needs.

And thank you to my aunt for helping me write that and get all that ooey-gooey legal stuff in there!  From that I will form, at some point, a more eloquent mission statement that I will proudly express.  Until then, the above sums it up! Any questions?

I hope you will join my crusade.

Want to learn more about Emma’s story? Visit it here.

You can read about our public school “situation” starting here. And don’t forget about the attorney journey!

You can keep in the loop via my Facebook page and Twitter.

Reading up on those stories will (hopefully) give you a better understanding of how I got here today.

I received an email from my awesome advocate, Kristina, and I thought it was worth passing on.  This was written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of Cleveland Ohio.  She says of this article,

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught

me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.”

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry;
God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no
for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will
this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

How awesome are these?   I really need to keep these in mind: 2, 6, 13, 25, 31, and 41.  Which one/ones speak to you? 

On another note, I am adding new note cards to my Etsy this week!  And I have listed a bunch of my mom’s jewelry.  Please go take a peek and let me know what you think!!

Today when we were eating breakfast, Emma asked, “Can I go to the new school?” I asked her if she meant the school she went to last week for a day. She said yes. This is proof that she wants to learn and that she knows what kind of environment she needs.

I asked the advocate if Emma’s opinion or voice meant anything in our case, and I told her what she said. She was surprised that Emma had that reaction after only one day of being there. And that it definitely speaks volumes. She said we would definitely mention that in our next meeting.

Again, tonight Emma asked if she could go to the “new school” tomorrow. I wish I could tell her yes. I wish I could tell her she’d be there in the fall. I want to, but I don’t want to get her hopes up. Or mine.

I’ve almost caught up to the present!  Last Friday we had another meeting.  This was to rewrite Emma’s goals.  Because, per my advocate’s words, the old ones were “crap”.  Nicely said.  Brett and I let her do her thing and she came up with very specific goals for Emma.  And a lot more than the few that Emma had.  When she wrote these goals for Emma, she reviewed the Arizona Early Learning Standards.  And she made it very clear that these goals needed to be reached using ABA principles, with staff trained in ABA and PBIS using multi sensory teaching strategies.  What, you don’t know all of these acronyms?  It’s okay…neither do I.  I’m learning, slowly but surely.

Because my advocate rocks, all of Emma’s new goals were accepted, with some tweaking of wordage here and there.  And after about 1 ½ hours of running around the subject, we finally started talking about placement.  Where will Emma be next year?  As you can imagine, the district and my family have very different ideas of what is best for Emma.  It’s the district’s job to tell us why their own self-contained program will work just fine for Emma.  It’s our job to tell them why it won’t be good enough.  They’ve screwed up FAPE for her (Free And Public Education) and we’ve lost our faith in them.  Obviously more was said.  Kristina went over lots of data to tell them why their program wouldn’t work, and why this (predetermined, by Kristina and Brett and myself) private school would be the best placement.  Of course district doesn’t want to hear that.

Here’s where we stand:  We’re waiting to get another meeting to (hopefully) conclude this.  We have provided our Parent Input (again, something Kristina wrote up beautifully).  And, by the way, Kristina was able to subtly slide into this Parent Input the “unwarranted and false evaluation by the principal” that I received.  I told you, she’s good.  I think the district would be stupid to fight with us on this.  Especially with that little bombshell.  However, they could.  We will meet.  District will bring in two employees who have visited the private school we’ve chosen.  We will bring in the director of the private school we’ve chosen.  And we will hash this out, hopefully without going to mediation or due process.  But if they push us there, then we’ll fight with everything we have.

And….the biggest and best news…Emma is at this new school as I type as a shadow student for a day.  This is to make sure that this school is the best fit for Emma.  Can I just tell you how excited Emma was today to try a new school?  She immediately made a new friend and practically ran to the gymnasium without giving me a hug or kiss.  She couldn’t wait to start her day at this new school!!  This goes to show that Emma has a passion to learn.  She loves school.  She just needs to be in the right placement.

Cabrillo National Monument at Point Loma

Are you ready?

Jessica
I am in receipt of your recent e-mail, and I am responding to your request for clarification on the end-year evaluation you received for the 2010-11 school year.  You received “as expected” in 8/10 of the general areas of evaluation, and “less than expected” in 2/10 of these general areas.
Please note that before I complete any classified employees’ evaluations, I meet with the teachers whom they work under.  Accordingly, I met with both teachers prior to completing your evaluation and based on our discussion, I rated you in each descriptor area.   Here are the answers to your questions:
1a. Attitude is the way one views something, in this instance, the significance of your role as Kg aide at the school.  I expect that each Kg aide views her position as extremely important.  As you know, the aide not only assists the teacher in the classroom, but also in less structured environments, like the playground and the lunchroom.  In these settings, she is in charge of the class and must assure that the safety of every Kg child is never compromised.   To be specific, when I met with the teachers just prior to completing your evaluation, I learned that you brought Emma, your 1st grade daughter, into the Kg classroom during the last three weeks of school.  You never asked for my approval; you apparently assumed that this would be acceptable to me, as well as to the teachers.  You also brought your daughter into the Kg playground and into the lunchroom where you supervised her along with the 25 Kg children for whom you were responsible.  I consider this “less than what is expected”. Supervising your own child, along with the 25 kindergarteners, especially on the playground and in the lunchroom, could have compromised the safety of other children.
1b. In terms of your attendance, you had 13 absences, including 4 personal and 3 unpaid days off during the 2010-11 school year.  (Please contact the secretary if you would like to see the list and details of these reported absences).
2. It is not required by district that actions resulting in a “less than expected” rating be documented prior to the end-year evaluation.
3. (See my answer in 1, above)
4.  You received your evaluation via the secretary, as did every other employee on campus.
5.  Absolutely not; one has nothing to do with the other.

So, what part of that has nothing to do with Emma?  I do believe it’s in retaliation.  There are also some discrepancies here.  Let me point them out.  He said that upon meeting the teachers he learned of Emma’s presence in the classroom.  Actually, he learned of that on May 2nd in my email to him after the lunchroom incident.  He is right in that I didn’t ask his permission, however I did ask one of the teacher’s and she said it was no problem.  And the last one; it is retaliation.

Here’s what I sent back, with the help of my advocate.

Mr. Principal,
I would like to start by correcting you in that I did ask permission. I did ask one teacher permission about bringing Emma into the classroom. She had no problem with it. I assumed that she mentioned it to the other teacher as their communication is superb. I also stated in an email to you that I would be having Emma stay with me from lunch on.
Emma’s lunch time was at the same time as my KG students. Emma’s supervision was not difficult for me and did not, at all, compromise the safety of anyone. My concern about Emma’s well being was documented in email. I never received any response from you in regards to that concern, so I moved forward with my plans.

I would like to know what evidence you have that I compromised the safety of my kindergarteners because I am confident there is none.   I took my position very seriously, just as I take the position of my daughter’s safety very seriously. If you doubted the safety of the students, then why have you waited until the last day of school?  Is it district policy to wait 3 weeks when there is a concern about compromised student safety?  If the safety of the students is suspected to be compromised, I expect that immediate action would be taken. Rather, I am being informed of such a concern via a “less than expected” performance review with no opportunity to defend myself. Hence, I am providing it to you now.

Regarding this situation, I felt like I was being a dutiful employee and mindful of my student’s safety by remaining at work and performing my duties rather than taking that time off and causing potential staffing problems. Clearly, had I done that, it could have jeopardized the children’s safety by creating either a lack of or a shortage of supervision as what happened with Emma.

I believe my “less than expected” rating and your narrative is in direct retaliation as evidenced by the comments made and the evaluation on file. Further, please make sure this correspondence stays in my file.  This has everything to do with Emma.

Jessica

After these little things occurred, I knew something had to be done quickly.  Changes had to be made.  I did document these incidents, mostly through email to the principal (which fell on deaf ears, apparently).  I had more than one person, including my husband, suggest that I keep Emma home from school with me.  If this had been last year, I would’ve.  I wasn’t working then.  But I was working part-time, now, in a Kindergarten classroom as an aide.  I felt loyal to the position, as well as to the teachers I worked with/for/under.  I didn’t want to leave them in a lurch by skipping out on the last 3 weeks of school.  I didn’t want to compromise my work ethic and integrity.

I came up with a solution.  I asked one of the teachers I worked with if I could bring Emma into class after lunch.  Some background on the teachers I work with.  One was my college roommate all four years.  We’ve been really good friends ever since those days (how she could live with me for 4 years and still be my friend is beyond me!).  We get together frequently as families or as couples.  She knew the background stuff going on with Emma. She told me it would be no problem having her in class for that last half hour.  I assumed she would mention it to the team teacher and it would be no problem.  Both of these teachers had Emma in their classroom last year for KG, and they knew her well.  I was so frustrated with the lack of supervision that Emma was getting that I wrote an email to the principal. Want to read it? Okay!

Dear Principal and School Psychologist,
Brett and I wanted to bring up a few concerns that we have regarding Emma and the rest of her year. It has become increasingly obvious to both Brett and myself that Emma is not happy.  She is reluctant to do much work.  She complains of headaches or other maladies frequently. She often looks sullen and sad.  It breaks our hearts to see our daughter, who once LOVED school, to be so upset.  It’s a daily battle to get her to school.  There are a few changes we will be making to the remaining 14 days of school, effective immediately.
Emma will be signed out of school by me at 1:00 every day.  I understand that this might make giving her evaluations a little trickier, but we are putting my daughter and her mental well-being first.  Please inform us when you plan to perform the rest of the evaluations so that we can make sure Emma is present.
Upon arriving to lunch in the cafeteria, I would like her to bring her backpack with her.  She will eat lunch with me at my table.  The reason we are making this decision is that I saw something that disturbed me last week.  I saw Ms. Para take food from Emma’s tray and eat it herself.  We don’t think it is appropriate for a para to be touching Emma’s food, let alone eating food off of her plate.  It’s unsanitary and completely unnecessary.  Not five minutes after I saw her eat food, she was blowing her nose.  This disgusts us.
She can spend the remainder of my hour at school with me on the kindergarten playground.  She will wait for my shift to end at 1:00.  Of course Emma still needs instruction, and therefore we have decided to hire a tutor to come to the house in the afternoons, but will seek reimbursement from the district for these services.
Brett and I had such high hopes for her education at this school.  It is very upsetting to us that she has not received the special education that she needed.  Our daughter has great potential and we feel that she was “swept under the rug” because her academic abilities were too challenging.  During the past two meetings, the other in-district program was mentioned and we appreciate that it is recognized that Emma needs to be in an appropriate program.  We are eager to obtain the results of the evaluation and incorporate them into Emma’s IEP.  Please provide these to us in advance of our meeting on May 18th.
Sincerely,
Brett and Jessica

The response I got in return was a request for Brett and I to meet with him to discuss my concerns about what was happening with Emma.  Unfortunately, I got that request on Tuesday, the day after the email.  Mason and I were leaving on Thursday for a family reunion back East.  I told him I was missing school for 3 days, but would be back the following week.  He suggested that we wait to meet until the date of the IEP meeting.  That was fine with me.  After all, what was he going to do? I had my concerns documented.

If anyone sees where this is going, it’s not over yet.  Seriously, it’s like a soap opera.  I’ll fill you in on the last day of school tomorrow.  It’s a doozy!

Lastly, if anyone is having problems with their child’s schooling, I highly recommend hiring an advocate.  Kristina is worth her weight in gold.  She has gotten so much accomplished already, and I feel very confident about Emma’s future schooling.  She is on top of her game.  She knows the laws.  And that’s what is really key.  You can read more about Kristina and her services by visiting her website here.  Hiring an advocate (any advocate) is not cheap.  But it would be a shame to put a price tag on Emma’s education.  We simply aren’t willing to do that.

More tomorrow!

I thought I knew a bunch about this whole IEP system.  I thought I was a quick learner.  I thought that being a teacher in years past would help me (and it has, to an extent).  I thought that knowing my daughter inside and out would be of huge advantage to them*, especially the fact that I feel like I should have a pseudo-MD for all the crap I know about her condition!  I thought I had the higher hand.

What I found out, after meeting with my advocate for 2 hours, is that I’m not as far ahead of the game as I thought.  Which makes sense, considering I hired an advocate in the first place.  Obviously I couldn’t keep pace with them* and so I hired the advocate to keep pace for me.  I was further behind then I thought.  My knowledge and understanding only took me so far.

What amazed me about my advocate, upon meeting her, the ease and agility in which she perused through all of the past evaluations, IEP’s, doctor’s notes, and test scores.  Within minutes she was finding documentation in which they* contradicted themselves.  Test scores that have gone down over the years (hello, regression?).  She was quickly going over all these documents with highlighters and pens, writing herself notes in the margins and in her own records.  And, looking back it is now humorous, she was mentioning to me, “ooh, they are in so much trouble.”  What? There’s evidence to support our case?

Can I toot my own horn for a quick second?  (Why yes you can, it’s your blog!)  I pride myself on being über-organized.  And when Emma got into school and we started this whole IEP process, my good friend, Marshelle, recommended I reorganize.  I can do that!  I will write a post later about how I organize my IEP binder.  And in this case it’s now two binders.  And I will take none of the credit, it is Marshelle’s system.  However, my advocate did compliment me on my organized layout…it definitely helped her moved through the data quickly!

Anyhoo…

Basically, advocate left me with hope at the end of our meeting.  And a long to-do list.  Our game plan was to attend the next IEP meeting with advocate in tow.  I was not going to announce to anyone that I had hired an advocate.  However, with issues that arose before our IEP meeting, I was called to email various people around the school and district.  And with the advocates help with wording, it was probably very clear to most people that I had hired someone to help me.  The vernacular wasn’t mine.  Notsomuch!

The last 3 weeks of school were left.  I would be lying if I didn’t say it was a bumpy road.  It was uncomfortable, mostly for Emma, but for me as well, since I was working on campus.  There were a couple of incidents that left me speechless.  And I will tell you about those…tomorrow!

*By “them”, I’m referring to the district, specifically the special education department within the district.

*I will be scattering photos here and there just so you can remind yourself exactly how cute Emma is!

Remember awhile back when I told you about Emma’s displeasure for school? You can read about it here or here.  Well, it continued to go downward.  She was throwing temper tantrums.  She was crying before school every morning that she didn’t want to go school.  It was horrible.  This is the same girl who, in kindergarten, would cry over Christmas break and summer break because she missed school.  This wasn’t a good situation.  From my point of view, I tried to be the “nice” mom.  You know the saying, “Being Nice Gets you Nowhere”?  Typically I don’t practice that.  I think being nice can get you far.  In this situation, though, I was running out of options.

Emma at the Grand Canyon in April (what, you can't tell that's the Grand Canyon in the background?)

I had to be proactive.  I was beginning to feel helpless, and helpless wasn’t a feeling I was going to live with for long.  I told Brett that I wanted to start looking at other schools.  I looked at 4 schools, 2 in district and 2 private.  The first school I visited was a private school.  Brett came with me, as did the kids.  And I asked a friend, who had been in my same situation with her son, to join us.  I didn’t walk away feeling in love with the school, I really liked their philosophy.  I didn’t like the setting so much.  It was a very small school (as in, number of students).  But it would definitely benefit Emma academically.  However, the biggest piece of advice I took away was to hire an advocate.  I hadn’t really thought of this….and I’m not sure why.  Along with the packet for the school, I took away a list of advocates. Three were highlighted.  Of those three I called two and spoke with them.  One advocate had a background in paralegal services.  So her background was more from an attorney’s standpoint.  The second advocate had a background in family and marriage counseling.  After speaking with both of them, I checked out their webpages.  Brett wanted me to go with the “lawyer one”.  I wasn’t so sure that was the best way to go.  After all, my approach with the school has always been more relaxed and not so much “bulldog”, if that makes sense.  In the end, I decided to go with the advocate with the counseling background.

We were getting the ball rolling.  We were going to make changes.  I first met with her on April 26th. And that meeting changed it all.