Pros and Cons
I’m a list maker. I think I make lists because I’m a visual learner and I’m also a little anal retentive and organized. When I’d study for tests I’d just end up rewriting the test material because that worked best for me. And it was always nice and neat and tidy in an outline format. Though I’m not in school (thank GOD!) I still make those lists because it just helps me organize my thoughts. So my latest list? Pros and cons of Emma’s latest medication, Respiradol. If you recall, I mentioned her 22 pount weight gain in 3 months. In addition to being non-mobile. It was great fun. The sad part was the medication was working beautifully. But we can’t be gaining that much weight. Even if she was a twig. So immediately we switched her medication to Serquel, which is in the same family and has the same potential side effects. She’s been on it about a week now. I see some of the same effects as Risperadol. She’s extremely engaged in conversations. We see it, but people who might not see us often definitely notice a difference. And the thing is, that engaging behavior could be stemming from a whole cocktail of things…new school, happiness at school, mobility, gymnastics, no stress or anxiety, etc., etc. Anyway, we still see the engaging behavior. And I think the appetite is subsiding. But we’ve noticed some unusual tantrum-like outbursts. That are actually quite huge. Like this one. And they’re totally unprovoked. We don’t know why they start. It’s not like we’re pulling her hair or letting her starve. There is simply no rhyme or reason to these tantrums. So now we have school on the look out for any changes, good or bad. I highly doubt she’ll be having these tantrums at school. And if that’s the case, then it’s something that we need to change on our end. Perhaps adopt the “token system” that is working wonders with her at school? Or the marble system or 1-2-3 Magic (more strongly enforced?). So I guess in the end, time will tell. I’m giving it another week. I don’t want to jump ship prematurely. We need to give this medication a real chance. Conversely, I don’t want to be on a medication that’s not going to work any longer than we have to. It’s a tough balancing act. And it’s hard to know when is the right time to move on. Or not.
However, I found this on Pinterest last night and I really want to try it. Might be good for someone like Emma who just needs a little mental break once in awhile. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make one for me, too!
PinterestOkay, that’s it. Thanks for letting me vent.
What discipline tools work in your house?
We find a tool that works, but after a bit, it just doesn’t work any more. Sigh. Being a parent? So hard!
Any good psychologist will tell you that token systems work great with kids that need motivation to . . . whatever.
It may just be me, or my kids, but token economy is a tricky two-edged sword, so to speak. On the one hand, the child works for what s/he wants. Depending on how well the child can communicate (and is in touch with his/her feelings), s/he may begin to tell you what tokens s/he is interested in working for, or s/he may get frustrated with the process and give up. And then there is the ‘feeling manipulated’ factor. My sense is, the kids that token economies are suggested for most often, are more sensitive to environmental stimuli than some others (and often stimuli we aren’t even aware of any more as adults, if we ever were in the first place). So they have a sense of when they are being manipulated, whether or not it is for their ‘benefit’. In the long run, I’m a fence sitter on this one, and if you can use the program without the child becoming exhausted with it (or becoming exhausted with it yourself), it may be helpful. I think my kids ended up being savy enough to know that they were being manipulated and sometimes chose not to participate unless the token lived up to their expectations (which often we couldn’t afford). I think it also put our relationship on a rocky foundation for the years when they already felt like we were the ‘bad guy’ in some situations. Looking back I think they can see it was just a bad situation for everyone, but . . .
I’m a believer in loving and using persuasion. Some people would argue that is exactly what token economy is . . . persuasion; persuasion to live within the framework of our society that already exists – ‘behave’ and you will be rewarded. This frustrates me because we are asking these kids to (1) control something that they already struggle with more than the average population, and (2) spend a lot of time focusing on their weakness.
Having been through it toddler to eighteen with one, and now trying something different with the 13 year old, I’m convinced that distraction from the problem works better. And trying to focus ‘token economy’ wise on things they do well. Let them see the fruits of their labors, and help them ‘run fast’ in things they do well, esp. because they are already too aware that they are different and have ‘deficits’. So making sure the rewards are tied to things they do well is incredibly fulfilling.
And while they will need to work hard to overcome the things they struggle with (as all humans do), some things are so frustrating they need to be taken in small doses. So lots of distraction from the challenge is what I’ve found helpful during those problem times. Fortunately, parents who are really in tune with their kids have figured out some things that work (my older son liked reading and discussing mindless facts, playing legos or putting little character pieces together). So that becomes an incredibly useful ‘distraction’ from the immediate problem at hand.
And for the really bad days (episodes), I didn’t do the best job of removing the responsibility for the action from him, but in reality, it was harder for him to deal with the illness than it was for me, because being young he didn’t know that it would end – it just was his existence. So, even when he was out of control and clawing us while thrashing about, making it not about him and not making him responsible for something he didn’t have control over was (would always have been) the way to go. Giving him choices during the episode was fine, as sometimes that served as an effective distraction from the immediate problem, but linking those choices to ‘rewards’ for stopping the bad behavior would have been cruel. Like offering a wheelchair bound child a reward for walking – in essence teasing him with something he can never have.
Hopefully that way-to-wordy explanation got across what was in my head. It is good to empower kids, but token economy sometimes has the directly opposite effect, esp. if they catch on early to what is going on and choose not to ‘play the game’.