A Bit Of A Rough Patch
So school isn’t going as smoothly as I had hoped for Emma. I was hoping for (and somewhat expecting) a smooth transition into first grade. After all (and much to my surprise), Emma had such an easy time going into full-day Kindergarten after being in a preschool program that was 2 1/2 hours a day, 4 days a week.
I can’t say I blame her. She has an extremely full schedule at school. Her therapists include special ed teacher, OT, PT, and vision. She is pulled out from her regular classroom into the special ed room for 1 hour in the morning and 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon. She sees OT and PT for 45 minutes a week. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but it all adds up. And her vision teacher sees her most days of the week, I think. On top of that, she has her regular classroom, her specials (art, music, PE, computers) and now Spanish 2 times a week. And when I think what we could cut back on, really I don’t know what would be of least importance. They’re all important to me. Of course some more than others. But as a whole they do make up her experience at school. And they’re all necessary.
The last time she had a really rough time adjusting to her new routine was when she went from morning preschool to afternoon preschool. That baffled me because the only thing that changed was the time of day that she was there. Her classroom was the same, her teachers and therapists were the same, her friends were the same. But for whatever reason, she had a really hard time with her new school day. When that happened, it took her 3 weeks to get used to everything.
And what is happening now? Massive temper tantrums at home. Talking back, yelling, and using language we don’t approve of (nothing major, but things like ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb’ and the like). She’s being defiant and rude. At school she’s challenging the teachers and her aides. She’s not always following directions, sometimes talking out of turn, and she’s being difficult. This all might not sound like a big deal, but it’s just not her. And when the temper tantrums are seemingly non-stop, it’s grating. It’s hard to listen to. For me, it’s like nails down the chalkboard.
So what are we doing? We are trying to keep a very consistent routine at home for after school and night time. And we are putting into place a rewards system. If she behaves well in the morning (i.e. no temper tantrums, and obeying) then she’ll earn a reward. For example, 3 days a week school will sell ice cream or jamba juice. And she can earn those treats by obeying us and not throwing fits. Beyond that, I’m not sure how else to handle it. I’m hoping this is a phase and that she’ll quickly pass through this as well. And as we enter the third week of her new routine (4th week of school), I’m hoping this week is the week that ends it.
The “good” news is that I have heard from friends that Emma’s not the only one who is having a hard time adjusting to first grade. Other first graders are too. It makes me feel less alone. And at this point, I’ll take any suggestions or advice!!
I want my sweet girl back!
What would you do?
I’m sorry school has been such a huge adjustment! You AREN’T alone, though, from what I’ve been reading!
I don’t know if this would work or not for Emma, but I’ll share it, anyway, as my options right now are cleaning the kitchen and paying bills
I was teaching (special ed) when our son was born. When my mother, who took care of him during the day, started taking him to preschool (my idea and my choice), he didn’t throw tantrums, but he cried and cried every morning. Eventually, he started crying the night before, working himself back to dinner the day before!
I HATED to see him miserable, knowing he did fine once he got there, so we employed the ‘magic smiley face fairy.’ Matthew had a dry erase board in his room, and I told him that the MSFF would be right with him to see all the good things he was doing and would leave him little surprises (a tiny car or truck worked great, along with a variety of silly smiley faces, etc., on the board). The MSFF came daily in the beginning, but it was easy to wean her presence (and presents) down to just drawing on the board, explaining that she was so thrilled with his behavior, she needed to help some of his friends. He was pleased, and that was that until our daughter was born the next year, and the MSFF made a few VERY unexpected visits.
Again, I have no idea if something similar would work for Emma, but I’ll be keeping up to see how she’s doing!
‘Lucy’
Hey~
So I’m glad to find out that it’s not just Keegan…We are having some of the same issues. He has been really moody and rude at home, and he got his first yellow card EVER, last week. He got green the whole year last year. He even got put in “timeout” at church yesterday, so NOT him. Today he forgot his lunch and backpack for the 2nd time this year, it’s only the 3rd week. I’m about ready to lose it. I know it has a lot to do with the new class and teacher, she’s bit nutty…she changes their desks around every few days, kind of weird for routine and consistency, and she seems a bit unorganized, which is not good for Keegan. I think I’m going to try the marble jar again, or some sort of a reward system.
So sorry y’all are getting off to a rough start!
Our school is doing the greatest thing this year. I can’t say enough good about it. The staff carries around tickets, regular fair style tickets, and when they catch kids being good, they give them a ticket. At the end of the week, each grade puts their tickets into the drawing. The kids who are drawn get to go to pick something out of the Friday canteen. Obviously, the more tickets you have, the more chances to win. You’d be amazed at how hard they try to earn tickets. Very little investment but encourages good behavior, school wide. I don’t know if Emma’s teachers are interested in doing a similar reward system. Maybe trying to catch her being good and give her a tangible reward to remind her might help her feel successful and encourage her.
Hope things settle down and you get your sweetie back soon!
I know the new school year is always stressful. This year it’s me that having meltdowns, not the kids. High school sports and extra curriculars for two kids have pulling my hair out trying to coordinate schedules and I feel like I’m driving back and forth to school every ten minutes!
But it sounds like Emma has a pretty full day and it’s probably very frustrating to her not to have very much control. Has she indicated if there is anything that she really doesn’t like about her day? I would ask her “If there was one thing about your day that you could change to make it better, what would it be?” Who knows, it might just be something that you can help her change.
When she’s having tantrums at home, think about having an open-ended time out–”It’s OK to be upset, but you can’t scream during dinner (or whatever activity). Please go to your room and come out when you’re feeling better”. This way you’re giving her an appropriate place to act out and letting her control how long she stays away. If she refused to go, you could give everyone else a time-out and let her choose when it’s over–”Well since you won’t stop crying, we’re all going up to my room to watch TV. Come and get us when you’re ready to talk about why you’re upset.”
I know it’s frustrating when our kids are this upset, but sometimes we need to let them help themselves!
As far as rewards go, I’ve been reading Drive by Daniel Pink which is all about how rewards don’t work and can actually hurt motivation. So I’m going to have to rethink my star chart. It’s a fascinating read and I really recommend it.
I hope its getting better, Jess. We are still struggling with issues as well. My therapist recommended the book 123 Magic. I read it over the holiday weekend. I have already started to implement just a few of the tactics and I am seeing results pretty quickly. Now I have to get Matt to read it too. Much better when yr spouse is using the same techniques. Love u honey!
Interesting – we are also seeing a side to Isabella that we have never seen. She just started first grade also – and we have had swearing (she never, ever had sweared before – and my mom swears like a truck driver, so she has heard plenty of it) and she is really testing every boundary…