I have a big favor to ask of you.  First, I have a question…do you like my blog?  Are you getting anything from it?  If you like it and are learning from it, I have a favor to ask you.  Would you help me spread the word?  If you like what you’re reading, would you “advertise” for me on your blog or your Facebook page?  It would mean the world to me!  My goal is to help encourage and educate!

Have you ever thought about the impact labels have on society?  I think they can be very powerful, in so many capacities.  One type of label I never thought about before I had Emma, was labels for children with special needs.  To be honest, even after Emma received her diagnoses, I didn’t realize the impact labels would have on her and on us.  And frankly, we use them for good and for bad.  Yes, I have taken advantage of labels because I feel like that’s the compromise that we can give.  For example, those special seats for people with disabilities?  We’ve sat in them.  In fact, we had 2nd row seats to the Wiggles Concert (aren’t you jealous?) because I purchased seats reserved for those with disabilities.  My daughter has a visual impairment…I WILL use those seats, thank you.  My daughter was wearing a half-body cast (I’ll tell you that story another post), floor seats work out perfectly, thank you. And in my head I’m always thinking about how we can get to the front of the lines at Disneyland!!

And then there are the labels that precede the child.  I know this from 1) being a teacher and 2) being the parent of a child with special needs.  Before teachers ever meet the students, they have their file that lists every disability the child may or may not have.  There was a point where I thought the more labels she had, the worse off we were.  Of course no one wants their child to be labeled negatively, but again it’s how you use those labels.  Finding the “opportunity” in every label can be important to your child’s success and opportunities given to them.  For example, when applying for the Department of Developmental Disabilities, I had to surrender all sorts of paperwork “proving” Emma’s labels.  And do you know what that got her? PT (Physical Therapy), OT (Occupational Therapy), and Speech provided by therapists that come to the house.  It also qualified her for Respite and Habilitation hours, which are fancy ways of saying “babysitter”.  A good friend of mine told me early on that with every diagnosis she receives, she can potentially receive more help and therapy to aide her progression.  I have tried to look at it from that light ever since.

There is another way of looking at labels that has changed for me.  I don’t have a special needs daughter…I have a daughter with special needs.  Emma’s special needs don’t define who she is.  Yes, they are a part of her, but there are so many facets to my little Emma!  Did you see the video of her dancing in ballet?  She’s a natural!  Okay, maybe not quite yet, but you can see how much she loves it!  Other things that Emma loves include reading books, her dogs, and her family.  She loves to run and laugh and play with her friends at school.  Do people know she has special needs?  Yes, once they spend some time with her.  But her labels don’t need to precede her in life…in my view that puts limitations on her.  I don’t want her to think she has limitations, or that she can’t do whatever she wants to do.

I will get off my soap box now.  Was I on a soap box?  My goal in this is to encourage and uplift parents of kids with special needs.  It’s not doom and gloom and if we can see things in a different light, it’s not all that bad!

I want to hear from you…how have YOU been impacted by labels?

Emma, age 18 months

The Pilgrims' landing

His turn around the table
to share what he is thankful for
this Thanksgiving season, this year
A simple thanksgiving
so like the first Thanksgiving
in Plimouth, so long ago
thankful for God, for this place
This land of ours, our home
our ability to believe, to worship
as our conscience, our faith guides
In a time of war, his words
a poignant reminder
of how much we truly have
to be thankful for,
each and every day

-Raymond A. Foss

**did you know that my great great great great great great great great great great great (that’s 11 greats) grandparents came over on the Mayflower? It’s true!

This is Emma in her ballet class.  She adores ballet.  Emma is the one in a black leotard, blond ponytail, and purple glasses.  She loves to twirl and she loves to “freeze” in the same position every time.

Isn’t she cute?

For me, it’s hard to believe that Thanksgiving is on Thursday already!!  That means Christmas is right around the corner!  Who’s ready?  Not me.

What are your plans for this holiday?  The 4 of us will be spending it at my in-laws.  We are very lucky to have all of our immediate family in town.  That means never having to travel during the holidays!!

Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions?  We simply have the traditional dinner, something I always look forward to!  My in-laws are hosting, and they have a wonderful space for outdoor entertaining.  That is good news for us as the forecast predicts a high of 75 on Thursday!  Can’t get better then that!  Over Thanksgiving weekend, I typically DON’T shop on Black Friday, unless it’s online shopping!  I don’t really like crowds at stores.  I DO decorate for Christmas, though.  It’s one of my favorite traditions!  And I DO listen to all the Christmas music I can!

What are you Thankful for this year?  I’m thankful for our health.  We have had no major illness (even Emma’s bout with H1N1 was relatively uneventful, except for the ER visit).  Of course I’m Thankful for my family.  I have a great little family and I’m super blessed that God gave them to me!  And I’m so Thankful for the opportunities that have been given to us.  Sometimes when things come up, we don’t see them as opportunities until further down the road.  Has that happened to you?

This won’t be my last post this week, in fact I have a few things in store.  I’m trying to share a video that I shot of Emma in ballet class last week.  It’s adorable. However I need a plugin for it, and I’m still learning all this tech-y stuff.

Thanksgiving 2007

This might be a hard lesson to learn for most moms. I think by nature, we’re pretty selfless and will do everything we can for our families before we take care of us. But how are we supposed to take care of everyone else when we’re the ones that need a little TLC? Fortunately, I can say that I’m doing pretty good on this front. I am able to take care of myself by doing things like going to the gym and getting my pedicures. And what makes it easier is having a supportive husband. I realize not everyone has the latter, but it is still important to find ways to be kind to YOU.  (Email me on that one if you need help!! I’m good at finding ways to pamper yourself!)

One thing I remember when Emma was an infant, before she was even diagnosed, was that I never wanted to leave her.  I did, on occasion, but I wasn’t really present in the activity…my mind was always on her.  Then we got the diagnosis.  Can you imagine what that did to our social life?!?  Down the drain!  We still went out on occasion, but for very short periods and we really only left the kids with the grandparents.  I’m not sure when the light switch turned on for me, but I was finally able to get out of the house and take a nice break (dinner, movie, etc.) and enjoy that time away.  Granted, it was after we felt like we had a good grasp on Emma’s condition, and we were able to trust a little more.  We were never without our cellphones close by.  And that was ok.  The point is that we made it out.  You have to do this in order to a) maintain your sanity and b) maintain your marriage.

And I should mention that this advice is for EVERY mom, not just moms of kids with special needs.  I know parents who have “typical” kids who never go out.  I would lose my ever-lovin-mind, I tell ya!!  So find something that sounds good to you…a new book at the bookstore, a hike (we Phoenicians have had beautiful weather!!), a pedicure, a good gossip magazine, and I could go on.  You don’t have to spend a lot (or any) money.  The point is that you’re doing something for you.

What have you done for yourself lately? I have signed up for a new adventure.  It’s not something I want to divulge yet, but I will!!  I want to hear about YOU!! (by the way, I am loving the quotes you guys have sent me!  They are ALL beautiful!  I have lots of thinkin’ to do!)

While we were “fall” cleaning last weekend, I went through a huge pile of books by my bed.  See, I read every night before I go to bed.  Nothing in particular, maybe a novel, the latest People magazine, a self-help book…you get the point.  A few years ago, I believe it was when Emma was just starting preschool in her developmental preschool program, my good friend, Marshelle, introduced me to a book.  I think I read it within a few days.  This book is short, easy to read, and is a collection of stories written by parents of children with special needs.  This book did a few things for me.  First and foremost, I realized that I am not alone. Hard to believe, trust me.  Secondly, it helped me realize that things could be worse.  There are days when I don’t agree with that, but it’s true.  I highly recommend this book to anyone who is feeling alone in a battle that they are fighting for their child with special needs.    You can find it here.

What are you reading right now?

music runs in the family…hopefully not that fashion sense, though!

Is it too early for Christmas music?  You tell me.  I typically try to refrain from all the festive merriment until Thanksgiving Day.  Then it’s a free for all (unless Brett’s in the car and then I really have to fight for it). And just for the record, Emma and I love the Holly station on XM! When do you start listening to Christmas music?

And now I need help. (can you tell I want feedback now that it works??) I need a description for Jumping Waves. A few words to go under the title…something that captures the essence of my blog.  Any ideas? I wish I had a giveaway for the best idea, but I’m not that popular or rich yet!

Finding out your child has special needs is not an easy pill to swallow.  For me, finding out Emma had developmental delays was an even harder pill to swallow.  When we were in the hospital was when we got her medical diagnosis: Septo Optic Dysplasia (from now on I’ll use the acronym SOD).  To us, that was all medical.  Those “special needs” were going to take getting used to, but we’d get there.  Like I said, it was a life sentence, not a death sentence.  However, it was when we had her tested in the public school system that we learned she had developmental delays.  What does that mean?  Well, with Emma, it included cognitive, emotional, social, physical (gross and especially fine motor skills).  She had delays pretty much across the board.  As a parent, that brings up a whole new set of concerns.  We already had concerns for her medical well-being, and now we were facing so many questions regarding her mental well-being.  It was like a dark cloud hanging over us.

When things like this have happened, and they’ve happened quite a few times for us, I’ve learned that it’s best to figure out how to deal with it.  Nothing can be accomplished by wondering “why me?” “why her” “why did this happen?”  It happened…let’s find a way to work with it.

The first thing I typically do is research.  I look up information online, and I look for support.  With Emma’s new diagnosis of SOD, I came across 2 groups.  The first was FOCUS Families.  One of the founders lives right here in Arizona and she’s a great lady!  Her adopted daughter has SOD.  I immediately connected with their online email group and I shared Emma’s story.  I received so many emails of support and encouragement.  To find a “family” out there that can understand what we were going through meant the world to me, especially since SOD is not all that common (estimated 1 in 300,000 kids).   The next group I found was the MAGIC Foundation.  They are based out of Chicago and MAGIC stands for Major Aspects of Growth In Children.  Their foundation deals with any condition related to growth.  Again, just another support system that helped me keep my chin up when it wasn’t easy to do.

My recommendation, when someone is dealt a blow, is to find support.  It’s good to research and find more about the condition, but hearing stories from people who “have been there” is invaluable.  If anyone needs help with finding support for a new diagnosis, or for anything, please leave me a comment and I will do my best!

When you’ve got a Dark Cloud Above, what do you do?

We went to our local highschool football game last night.  It was the first game of the playoffs and they won 63-16.  It was pretty fun!  Don’t let me fool you, though, I know absolutely NOTHING about football.  I still enjoyed myself, though!

Today, Brett attempted vacuuming under the couches.  Oh boy.  What a mess.  That turned into an all day cleaning frenzy.  But sometimes those are the best kinds of cleaning frenzies!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring!

What have you been up to this weekend?